Yes, I'm back. I know the Dungeon has been mighty silent for quite some time, and I'm sorry about that. Every time I have tried to post, which in all honesty hasn't been often, I have been unable to get the screen to load. Same old same old I guess.
Update. Car was fixed. Now it's not. However it isn't the same problem as before. It's pulling a code 13 which is a vaccum leak. Normally this wouldn't be a problem to fix. You start the car and start pulling lines or doing a little spraying and the leak becomes apparent. I emphasize that you need to START and RUN the car to find these things. On this car however a vaccum leak totally shuts down everything and prevents the car from starting. You see the problem. I have to run the car to find the leak and I have to find the leak or the car won't run. And there are somewhere around 30 different vaccum lines on this thing. Doesn't that sound like fun.
I know what you're probably thinking right now. Slavey, you should get rid of that car. I would but pretty soon everything that could go wrong will be fixed. Then there will really be no point it getting a new car. That and I really can't afford it right now so I'm kinda stuck with this one for the time being.
In other news, well there really isn't any other news. Life has been pretty uneventful for me lately. Which I actually kind of like. I feel pretty good. The weather has been nice. The creditors and I have been having fun playing phone tag. I'm on top of the world.
On to other things. A few years ago there was this thing called the National No Call List. I'm sure you heard about it. You put your name and phone number on the list and telemarketers are not supposed to call your home. A pretty good thing for the most part. However, something happened a couple of days ago that kind of made me regret putting my number on this list. I was at a friends house having a few beers and watching some movies when his phone rang. He is one of those people that don't answer their phone. No caller ID. So I decided I was going to answer it. On the other end was this nice fellow who sounded like he had just come out of some rap video trying to sell me a cell phone. Well, that's not exactly accurate. He was going to give me the phone as long as I signed the contract for a certain amount of minutes per month. Here is how that conversation went.
rap guy "Hello sir. I have an amazing offer..."
me "Just tell me what you're peddling and make it quick. People are dying here and you're making me miss it."
rap guy "I have this wonderful offer for you..."
me "Didn't I just tell you to tell me what you're selling? Skip the cheesy sales pitch and just spit it out before I get pissed and hang up."
rap guy "Sir, we would like to give you this free cell phone."
me "I don't need a cell phone. The phone in my house works just fine. You're talking to me on it right now. See how good it works?"
rg "But this one is free yo. You don't have to pay a damn thing fo it."
me "Okay, what's the catch?"
rg "Catch? There aint no catch man. The phone is free."
me "Okay, I'll take your free phone."
rg "Really? (yes, he seemed genuinely surprised. Either he had just started this job or has been getting phones slammed down in his ear for a while)
Well then I just need your credit card number and we'll send it right out yo."
me "Why do you need my credit card number? You just told me that the phone was free."
rg "Hey man, I need the credit card number so we can start your phone service yo."
me "But you didn't say anything about signing up for any service. You said you were going to give me a free phone."
rg "But what are you going to do with the phone if you don't have any service."
me "Probably sell it or trade it to some drug dealer for some crack."
rg "Well the service is only going to cost 34.99 a month..."
me "I just told you I don't want any service. I'm going to sell the phone for drugs, not use it. And I don't want some drug dealer getting any free minutes off of my phone. Do you know how many minutes a pusher can rack up in a month? I'm not going through that again. I just want the free phone."
rg "Well, I can't send you the phone without the service yo. Come on homes, it's only 34.99 a month."
me "I can't afford to pay that much for phone service. Especially on a phone I'm selling for crack. If I had an extra 34.99 a month I'd be buying and extra 34.99 worth of crack, not your damn phone service."
rg "Yo man, it's just 34.99. That isn't very much. Even I can afford that much a month."
me "Yeah, but you obviously have a job. I don't have a job. Hell, I've been pimping out my dog for months just trying to keep up with my drug and reese's pieces habits. It isnt easy you know. And I think the dog is getting tired of servicing all of my neighbors if you know what I mean. The last time I put her in the driveway with her 'will be your sugar puppy for $2.00' sign she looked like she was going tear me a new asshole. Or piss on my face while I'm sleeping or something. So as you can imagine I don't want to get my face urinated on while I'm sleeping and as a result I'm a little strapped for cash."
rg "Are you serious homes? That's pretty fucked up yo."
me "I hear you. You'd think she would be happy to do a little work for her food. It's not like I take all of my dogs' prostitution cash and spend it on drugs, I let her keep 15% for her own food. And she looks at me like she wants to kill me for it. Ungrateful Bitch."
rg "Yo homes, I don't think I want to hear anymore of this. You're fuckin' sick yo. You need some help."
me "That's what I've been trying to tell you all along. I need help. So skip the service, send me the phone, I'll sell it for some crack and my dog can have the week off. She'll thank you for it I swear. Probably even give you a freebie if you're ever in the area."
*click*
He hasn't called back yet.
I used to have so much fun with telemarketers. I could entertain myself for half of the night chatting with these nice folk. And some of them actually seemed genuinely grateful for the entertainment. Makes me wonder if I can get my number taken off of that no call list.
One last thing. I'm not a crack addict/user. I do NOT pimp my dog out for drugs OR reese's pieces. And all of the drug dealers I know have their own damn cell phone.
And the Slave is back out
